FRESNO, CA — Derek Paulsen, 38, of Fresno has successfully automated every area of his personal, professional, and spiritual life using digital calendar reminders, according to a review of his Google Calendar conducted Tuesday by people who are genuinely concerned about him.

Paulsen, a project manager, began scheduling reminders in 2017 as a productivity measure. By early 2026, his calendar contained 1,847 recurring events, including a daily 7:14 a.m. alert to “be present,” a Friday reminder to “connect authentically with family,” and a Sunday 10:55 a.m. prompt reading “listen to sermon (do not draft emails).”

“I don’t miss anything anymore,” Paulsen said. “Birthdays, oil changes, gratitude — it’s all in there. The system handles it so I don’t have to think.”

His wife, Carla Paulsen, 36, confirmed that Derek received a calendar notification last Thursday to ask how her day was going. “He did ask,” she said. “He was also clearly reading off his phone.”

Workplace colleagues described Paulsen as “extremely reliable” and “somehow less human than before.” His small group leader, Pastor Tim Okafor, 44, noted that Derek’s scheduled “spontaneous encouragement” reminder fires every Tuesday at 2:30 p.m. with unsettling precision. “He texted me a Bible verse last week,” Okafor said. “The timestamp was exactly 2:30. I checked.”

Paulsen maintains the system has made him a better person, pointing to a 34% increase in remembered anniversaries since 2021.

At press time, Paulsen’s 11:00 p.m. reminder to “reflect on the day” had fired while he was asleep, and he had snoozed it for the 214th consecutive night.