NAPERVILLE, IL — Greg Paulson, 44, of Naperville discovered Tuesday that the sole beneficiary on his 401(k) retirement account is Derek Holt, his college roommate from 2003, a man he has not spoken to since a dispute over a George Foreman Grill ended their friendship during the second Bush administration.

Paulson made the discovery while updating his direct deposit information following a company payroll migration. According to HR records, Holt — whose current address, employment status, and marital situation are entirely unknown to Paulson — stands to inherit approximately $214,000 should Paulson predecease him, a fact Paulson’s wife of sixteen years, Renee, described as “a lot to process before dinner.”

“I filled this out during orientation week,” Paulson told reporters. “I was nineteen. Derek seemed like a solid guy at the time. He had a mini fridge.”

“Technically speaking, Derek Holt has been Greg’s primary financial heir for longer than Greg has known his own children exist.”

Renee Paulson, 42, confirmed she was listed as beneficiary on the couple’s life insurance policy, their joint savings account, and “everything else we’ve ever filled out together,” making the 401(k) a specific and targeted omission she called “very on brand for Greg, honestly.”

Paulson updated the beneficiary designation Wednesday morning, a process that took four minutes and which he acknowledged could have been completed at any point during the previous two decades, including, he noted, “probably before the wedding.”

At press time, Paulson had located Derek Holt on LinkedIn, where Holt currently works in medical device sales and appears to be thriving, which Paulson described as “somehow making it worse.”