NAPERVILLE, IL — A box of 14 Father’s Day cards discovered in a basement storage bin this week has confirmed what many family historians have long suspected: Greg Holloway, 47, has never received a Father’s Day card from his children.

The cards, spanning 2009 through 2023 and organized chronologically by rubber band, were found by Diane Holloway, 45, while searching for a missing air mattress pump. Each card bears the handwriting of a single adult woman at three distinct stages of ink preference, signed with the names of children who were, in several documented instances, too young to hold a pen.

Greg Holloway has reportedly kept every card in a dedicated shoebox on his nightstand, occasionally rereading a 2014 entry from his then-six-year-old son that describes him as “the best dad in the hole world and also good at grilling.”

“The sentiment is real. The execution was collaborative. I think that still counts.”

“I want to be clear that the love behind every single one of those cards is completely genuine,” Diane told reporters from a Home Depot parking lot where she had gone to think. “The sentiment is real. The execution was collaborative. I think that still counts.”

Her eldest son, Connor Holloway, 19, currently enrolled at the University of Illinois, confirmed he has “definitely signed a card at some point,” adding that he could not specify a year.

Greg Holloway has not been informed of the discovery. Diane said she plans to “let him have this.”

At press time, Greg was spotted reading the 2017 card again and telling the dog his kids “really get him.”