NAPERVILLE, IL — Gary Pfeiffer, 44, spent last Saturday configuring an advanced parental control system to protect his children from inappropriate internet content and has since been unable to access his own home network, bank, or the router settings he used to implement the restrictions in the first place.

Pfeiffer, who describes himself as “pretty good with technology,” installed the filtering software after watching a documentary about screen time. The system, rated five stars by several parenting blogs he can no longer reach, flagged his browser history as “high-risk social content,” locked his administrative credentials, and sent a notification to an email account it has also blocked.

“I wanted to protect my family from the internet. The internet has now protected itself from me.”

“I wanted to protect my family from the internet,” Pfeiffer said, speaking from a neighbor’s driveway where he has been borrowing Wi-Fi. “The internet has now protected itself from me.”

His children, ages 9 and 12, report no disruption to their internet access. His daughter confirmed she located a workaround within four minutes of the system going live. His son described the situation as “honestly kind of sad.”

Pfeiffer’s wife, Renee, 42, suggested calling their internet provider. Pfeiffer said he would, but the provider’s support number is saved in a password manager app that requires biometric login through a phone the filter has classified as an unauthorized device.

“He was trying to shepherd the household,” said Pastor Doug Elias, 51, of Covenant Ridge Community Church, who was not asked about this situation. “The sheep just got there first.”

At press time, Pfeiffer had successfully unboxed a book.