CEDAR RAPIDS, IA — Derek Paulson, 41, sat down Sunday evening to finally clear his inbox of unwanted promotional emails, spending 45 minutes methodically clicking “unsubscribe” on 31 separate lists—triggering what cybersecurity observers are calling a textbook example of digital self-defeat.

By Monday morning, Paulson had received confirmation emails from 14 new mailing lists, six of which were for products he has no memory of, one of which was in Portuguese, and one of which appeared to be a newsletter for a regional candle company that somehow already knew his middle name.

“I thought I was being responsible,” Paulson said from his kitchen, scrolling through 23 new promotional messages while speaking to a reporter. “I had a system. Color-coded tabs. It felt like real progress.”

“Each unsubscribe link is basically a postcard to the internet that says, ‘Confirmed: breathing human located here.’”

Marcus Webb, 38, a data privacy researcher at Greyfield Analytics who reviewed Paulson’s case at the reporter’s request, said the outcome was foreseeable. “Each unsubscribe link is basically a postcard to the internet that says, ‘Confirmed: breathing human located here.’ You’ve validated the address. The ecosystem rewards that information immediately.”

Paulson has since unsubscribed from four of the new newsletters. His inbox currently holds 2,847 unread messages, up eleven from Sunday.

At press time, Paulson had opened an email with the subject line “You’ve been selected” out of curiosity, resetting the entire cycle.