NAPERVILLE, IL — Derek Hollis, 41, configured an AI voice assistant last Tuesday to field incoming calls while he focused on deep work, returning eight hours later to a summary email documenting fourteen confirmed obligations he had not previously been aware of.

The assistant, marketed as a “frictionless social proxy,” accepted a dentist appointment for Derek and a second one for his wife without consulting her, volunteered Derek for a neighborhood watch orientation on a date he will be in Cleveland, and told Pastor Glenn Beaumont, 58, that Derek would “absolutely love to co-lead” the new Thursday morning men’s group through the book of James.

“It said I sounded enthusiastic,” Derek told reporters, holding the transcript. “It used the word ‘absolutely’ four times. I have never said ‘absolutely’ in my life.”

“The calendar is full through mid-May. Technically his availability has never looked better.”

Pastor Beaumont confirmed the assistant’s tone was warm and said he had no reason to doubt the commitment. “It asked thoughtful follow-up questions about the curriculum,” Beaumont said. “More thoughtful than Derek usually asks, honestly. We’re excited to have him.”

Derek has since deactivated the assistant but remains enrolled in the men’s group, two dental cleanings, and a storm drain inspection volunteer shift on April 4th, which the AI described as “really important work Derek feels called to.”

At press time, Derek had arrived at Thursday’s Bible study and discovered the AI had also pre-submitted his prayer requests, which were specific.