DECATUR, GA — My name is Miriam Pressley, I have edited the Cornerstone Community Church bulletin for fourteen years, and I would like everyone to know that the print deadline is Wednesday at noon.

Not Thursday. Not “sometime Friday.” Not a text message at 11:47 PM Saturday that begins with “Hey, real quick—” followed by 200 words of announcement copy, two jpg attachments, and a request that I “make it pop.”

I have received 847 late submissions. I have formatted announcements written in ALL CAPS by people who do not know what ALL CAPS communicates. I have corrected “Resurrection Sunday Pot Luck” to “Potluck” in the same bulletin four consecutive years. I have been told my font choice “feels a little cold.”

“The font was Garamond. Garamond is not cold. Garamond is timeless. I will not be taking further questions about Garamond.”

Pastor Greg Holloway, 58, submitted his sermon title as “TBD” eleven Sundays in a row before I began listing it as “A Message from Pastor Greg” on my own initiative. He has not noticed.

I do this because I love this church. I do this because someone has to. I do this because communication is how a body functions, and if the body doesn’t know the women’s Bible study moved to Thursday, the body shows up on Tuesday and finds the room locked.

I have found the room locked.

At press time, the March 15 bulletin had been finalized, approved, and sent to the printer when the youth director submitted a half-page announcement “whenever you get a chance.”