NAPERVILLE, IL — A structural assessment of the Kowalski family home conducted Tuesday has concluded that the residence, while still within code, now functions primarily as a document preservation facility, with living space available on a secondary basis.

The assessment was prompted after Diane Kowalski, 47, attempted to add a fifteenth storage bin to the upstairs hallway and discovered she could no longer open the linen closet. The original collection, which began with a finger-painting by her son Marcus in February 2009, has expanded to include 2,300 individual works spanning three children, four elementary schools, and at least one art project Kowalski does not recognize and cannot attribute to anyone in the household.

“I cannot throw away a drawing of a horse,” Kowalski told reporters, gesturing at what appeared to be a drawing of a dog. “What if he asks for it someday? What if he brings his own kids here and wants to show them?” Marcus is 22 and has not visited since Thanksgiving.

“She has every handprint turkey since 2011. We have run out of Thanksgivings to justify this.”

Her husband, Greg Kowalski, 49, confirmed that the couple has not eaten at their kitchen table since 2021, when it was converted to a sorting station for works awaiting lamination. “She has every handprint turkey since 2011,” he said. “We have run out of Thanksgivings to justify this.”

Family therapist and certified professional organizer Renata Bloom, 38, noted the behavior is common among parents confronting the irreversibility of time. “The art isn’t really about the art,” Bloom said. “It’s about not being ready to let the moment go.”

At press time, Kowalski had discovered a macaroni nativity scene from 2013 while looking for the router, wept quietly for six minutes, and placed it in a new bin labeled “Religious/Seasonal/Fragile/Do Not Touch.”