COOKEVILLE, TN — A family road trip to Destin, Florida, projected by Doug Meltzer, 47, to take “eight hours, no stops, everyone go before we leave,” entered its eleventh hour Friday following five gas station visits, a detour for a Chick-fil-A that was “right there,” and a unanimous car vote that Doug himself requested and then disputed.

The Meltzer family — Doug, wife Renee, 45, and children Caleb, 14, and Olivia, 11 — departed at 6:47 a.m., seventeen minutes behind schedule due to a search for Doug’s sunglasses, which were on his head. The first stop occurred at mile marker 4, when Doug pulled into a Pilot for coffee he described as “not a stop, just fuel for the driver.”

“I said no unnecessary stops. Coffee is infrastructure.”

“He made a whole speech at breakfast,” said Renee Meltzer, reached by phone from the passenger seat while the car was parked at a Love’s Travel Stop outside Chattanooga. “Printed out the route. Used the word ‘efficient’ four times. And then he saw a Cracker Barrel and just… signaled.”

Doug maintains the trip is on schedule under a revised timeline he calculated at the second stop. Caleb has logged all five stops in a notes app without comment. Olivia fell asleep in Georgia and has asked zero questions about the plan.

“We’re making great time,” Doug said, merging back onto I-24. “The key is not stopping.”

At press time, Doug had taken the next exit after spotting a billboard for a peach stand he described as “a cultural experience, not a stop.”