Family
Study Finds Average Toddler Has More Screen Time Than Seminary Student Has Prayer Time
Local Dad Reports Gas Prices to Family with Same Urgency as Apostle Paul Writing to the Churches
His messages begin ‘Beloved’ and include phrases like ‘I write to you with a heavy heart’ about a 4-cent increase at the Exxon on Main Street.
Hannah Torres · March 6, 2026
Mom’s ‘Five More Minutes’ Warning Issued 45 Minutes Ago, Children Unfazed
The children have not altered their behavior in any measurable way. A second warning is expected within the hour, though enforcement remains unlikely.
Hannah Torres · March 3, 2026
Dad Spends $400 on Grill He Will Use Twice, Calls It an ‘Investment’
The grill has produced exactly two meals since its purchase in May: one round of burgers for Memorial Day and a single chicken breast that was described as ‘aggressively charred.’
Miriam Pressley · March 4, 2026
Grandma Insists She ‘Doesn’t Need Anything’ for Birthday, Will Be Offended If You Listen
She said ‘just your presence is enough’ and meant it in the same way a coach says ‘it’s just a game.’
Joel Whitaker · March 5, 2026
Family Attempts Board Game Night, Someone Flips the Table by Round Three
The evening was intended to promote togetherness. It has instead revealed long-standing grievances about property acquisition in a fictional real estate market.
Miriam Pressley · March 6, 2026
Parents’ Date Night Consists Entirely of Talking About the Kids They Left at Home
They paid a babysitter $75 to escape their children for three hours and spent two hours and forty-seven minutes discussing them.
Hannah Torres · March 7, 2026
Teenager Cleans Room Without Being Asked, Parents Immediately Suspicious
The room is spotless. The bed is made. The parents have not ruled out the possibility that something has been stolen or someone is pregnant.
Joel Whitaker · March 8, 2026
Toddler’s Tantrum in Target Rated Category 4 by Fellow Shoppers
The disturbance was audible from the parking lot. Three shoppers abandoned their carts. One said it reminded her of her time in the Navy.
Miriam Pressley · March 9, 2026
Mom Joins Son’s Fortnite Game to Spend Quality Time, Accidentally Becomes Top-Ranked Player in the Region
She originally logged on to ‘understand what he’s into.’ She now has a sponsorship offer and a Twitch following that outnumbers her son’s school.
Hannah Torres · March 10, 2026