FRANKLIN, TN — In what church staff are calling a statistically improbable sequence of events, Derek Paulson, 41, responded “Yes” to a church fellowship dinner signup sheet last Tuesday and then physically attended the church fellowship dinner last Saturday, baffling volunteers who had already adjusted the headcount down by thirty percent as a matter of standard practice.

Paulson arrived at 6:08 p.m., within the acceptable window, carrying a store-bought pie he had remembered to purchase before entering the parking lot. Fellowship coordinator Janet Albrecht, 58, confirmed she had not planned for his presence and was forced to add a folding chair in real time.

“We build in a forty-percent attrition rate before we even order the brisket,” Albrecht said, visibly shaken. “Derek has destabilized the entire model. If word gets out that RSVPs are binding, we don’t have enough tables.”

“I said I was coming. I came. I’m not sure what the issue is.”

Paulson, for his part, expressed confusion at the reception. “I said I was coming. I came. I’m not sure what the issue is,” he told reporters, finishing his second slice of pie.

Senior Pastor Greg Hollis addressed the moment briefly during Sunday’s announcements, calling it “an encouragement to us all” before pivoting to remind the congregation that the men’s retreat signup is not a commitment.

At press time, Paulson had been voluntold to help plan the next fellowship dinner, effectively punishing him for attending the first one.