NAPERVILLE, IL — Douglas Hale, 41, announced at the start of Lent that he would be fasting from all social media platforms as a spiritual discipline, a decision he described as “totally doable” and which has since revealed that approximately 94 percent of his conversational material originated on the internet.

Hale, a project manager and nine-year member of Cornerstone Bible Church, reportedly arrived at his small group on day six of the fast and sat in silence for eleven minutes before asking if anyone had seen “that thing going around.” He was unable to finish the sentence.

“I thought giving up Instagram would just mean less scrolling,” Hale told reporters from his living room, where he had been reading a physical book he described as “very long.” “I did not anticipate that I would have to develop an interior life from scratch at forty-one.”

“He texted me a meme on day eight. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that memes are also the internet.”

His wife, Carla Hale, 39, confirmed the fast has been “illuminating for the whole family.” “He texted me a meme on day eight,” she said. “I didn’t have the heart to tell him that memes are also the internet.”

Pastor Glenn Morrow, 54, called the situation “exactly what Lent is supposed to do” and encouraged Hale to sit with the discomfort rather than fill it. Hale said he would try, and then immediately asked if anyone wanted to describe a funny video to him out loud.

At press time, Hale had begun journaling, which his wife noted looks identical to posting except nobody can see it, which may be the point.