OMAHA, NE — Grant Halverson, 39, an insurance claims analyst, reportedly entered into a one-sided verbal dispute with his Apple Watch Ultra during a Tuesday afternoon staff meeting after the device interrupted a quarterly review presentation with a haptic buzz and the on-screen message, “Take a moment to breathe.”

“I looked down at my wrist and it was telling me to breathe,” Halverson told reporters. “I have been breathing, without interruption, for thirty-nine years. I did not need a reminder. I was, at that very moment, actively breathing. That’s how I was alive to read the notification.”

Colleagues confirmed that Halverson stared at the watch for approximately four seconds, whispered “I know,” and then attempted to resume his presentation on third-quarter liability trends. The watch buzzed again forty-five seconds later with a follow-up message: “You seem stressed.”

“It has also told me to stand up when I was standing, to move when I was walking, and once congratulated me for closing my exercise ring when I was carrying groceries. It has a very low bar for what constitutes achievement.”

Halverson’s wife, Jill, 37, told reporters the watch has created “a dynamic in our home” in which her husband now narrates his biological functions aloud as preemptive defense. “He’ll walk into the kitchen and say, ‘I am breathing, I am standing, and I have moved,’ before the watch can say anything,” she said. “It’s like he’s reporting to a parole officer.”

Halverson said he has considered disabling the feature but fears the watch “will find another way to reach me.”

At press time, the watch had awarded Halverson a badge for “7 consecutive days of mindful breathing,” a streak he insists he had no conscious participation in.