PRINCETON, NJ — A new Gallup poll released Monday found that 85% of American adults believe the country is “headed in the wrong direction,” a figure that represents near-total national consensus on the existence of a problem and absolutely no consensus on what the problem is, who caused it, or what the correct direction would look like.

The survey, which polled 4,200 adults across all fifty states, found that respondents who agreed the country was on the wrong track cited 147 different reasons, ranging from economic policy to cultural decline to “a general feeling of unease that I cannot articulate but is definitely someone’s fault.”

“This is the most agreement we’ve measured in twenty years,” said Gallup senior analyst Dr. Rebecca Cho, 46. “Unfortunately, it’s agreement that everything is wrong, paired with complete disagreement about everything else. It’s unity in the purest and most useless sense.”

“We asked a follow-up question: ‘Which direction should the country go?’ The most common answer was ‘not this one.’ The second most common was ‘I don’t know, but definitely not what the other side wants.’”

The remaining 15% of respondents who did not say the country was headed in the wrong direction were split between those who said things were “fine, actually” (6%), those who said they “don’t follow the news” (5%), and those who said they were “not sure there is a direction anymore” (4%), a response researchers categorized as “existential.”

Both major parties cited the poll as evidence that their agenda is urgently needed, releasing competing press statements within twelve minutes of each other that used identical language about “listening to the American people.”

At press time, a follow-up poll asking Americans to rank their top three priorities had returned 4,200 unique lists with no two matching.