Politics
Politician Claims to Be ‘Man of the People,’ Has Not Been to a Grocery Store Since 2014
Both Parties Claim God Is on Their Side, God Declines to Comment
A spokesperson for the Almighty issued a brief statement reading, ‘No comment at this time,’ which both parties interpreted as support.
Ezra Kim · March 4, 2026
Senator’s Filibuster Now Longer Than Any Sermon in Recorded History
At hour fourteen, he read from the Book of Numbers. Colleagues say it was the most engaging portion.
Ezra Kim · March 5, 2026
Local School Board Meeting Enters Fourth Hour, Attendees Begin Speaking in Tongues
What started as a discussion about the lunch menu devolved into what one board member called ‘a Pentecost nobody asked for.’
Ezra Kim · March 6, 2026
Campaign Ad Promises ‘Return to Values,’ Candidate Unclear on Which Values Specifically
When pressed, the candidate listed ‘hard work, family, and the other ones’ before pivoting to infrastructure.
Ezra Kim · March 7, 2026
Poll Finds 85% of Americans Agree Country Is Headed in Wrong Direction, Cannot Agree on Which Direction Is Right
The remaining 15% said they weren’t sure there was a direction at all, which researchers classified as ‘existential.’
Ezra Kim · March 8, 2026
Town Hall Meeting Devolves Into What Experts Are Calling ‘a Secular Altar Call’
By the end of the evening, three residents had come forward, two were weeping, and the city manager was laying hands on a zoning map.
Ezra Kim · March 9, 2026
Politician’s Prayer Breakfast Attendance Spikes Suspiciously During Election Years
Data shows a near-perfect correlation between his prayer breakfast appearances and the proximity of a contested primary.
Ezra Kim · March 10, 2026
New Bill Would Require All Legislation to Be Written at Fifth-Grade Reading Level, Lawmakers Say It Would Be an Improvement
The bill itself was written at a third-grade reading level as a proof of concept. It is the most widely read piece of legislation this session.
Ezra Kim · March 11, 2026
State Legislature Passes Resolution Declaring Official State Prayer, Nobody Can Agree on What It Should Say
The resolution passed 97–1. The prayer itself has been in committee for nine months.
Ezra Kim · March 12, 2026