CHARLOTTE, NC — Marcus Padilla, 36, a former middle school math teacher who entered the gig economy in 2023 “to make a little extra on the side,” now holds seven concurrent jobs totaling approximately eighty-three hours per week and has not had a conversation with another human being about a non-revenue-generating topic since October.

Padilla’s current portfolio includes driving for Uber and Lyft, walking dogs through Rover, reselling limited-edition sneakers, tutoring algebra online, managing a vending machine in a laundromat, and proofreading doctoral dissertations. He also recently listed himself on TaskRabbit as available for furniture assembly, which he does “between rides.”

“People say ‘find what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life,’” Padilla said from the driver’s seat of his car, which doubles as his office, supply closet, and, on Thursdays, his bedroom. “I don’t love any of these. But collectively they almost add up to what my teaching salary was, so.”

“He came home last Tuesday at 11 p.m. smelling like dog treats and dissertation ink. I asked him how his day was. He said, ‘Which one?’”

His wife, Elena, 34, offered the above comment, adding that she has seen her husband for a combined total of nine waking hours in the past two weeks and has “seriously considered filing a missing persons report just to get someone else looking for him.”

Padilla told reporters he plans to scale back once the couple pays off their student loans, a milestone their current projection places in 2031.

At press time, Padilla had picked up an eighth job reviewing products on Amazon and was recording a voice memo about a portable phone charger while walking a golden retriever named Biscuit.