PLANO, TX — Greg Hollister, 52, a regional sales manager and father of three, has been sending daily text updates about local gasoline prices to the family group chat with what his children describe as “the gravity and rhetorical flourish of an apostolic epistle.”

The messages, which arrive between 6:15 and 6:45 a.m. without exception, typically open with “Beloved” and proceed through a detailed accounting of per-gallon rates at no fewer than four stations within a three-mile radius of the family home. A recent entry, sent at 6:22 a.m. on Tuesday, began: “I write to you with a heavy heart. The Exxon on Main has risen four cents overnight. The Shell on Coit remains unchanged, a steadfast witness in uncertain times.”

His daughter Claire, 24, confirmed that she muted the group chat in November 2024 and has not unmuted it since. “I love my dad,” she said. “But I cannot receive a push notification at dawn that reads like a letter to the Thessalonians about unleaded.”

“He also monitors egg prices with Old Testament intensity. There’s a spreadsheet. It goes back to 2019.”

His wife, Deborah, 50, offered the above comment with what reporters described as “a mixture of deep affection and profound fatigue.” She added that Greg signs every message “Your father, Greg,” despite being the only Greg in the family and the only father.

Greg told reporters he considers the updates “a ministry of awareness” and noted that his son, Tyler, 19, once saved $1.40 by driving to the Costco he recommended, a fact Greg has referenced “no fewer than thirty times,” according to Tyler.

At press time, Greg was drafting a message about a two-cent drop at the Valero that opened with “Rejoice, for I bring you good tidings.”