NAPERVILLE, IL — Iron Works Fitness, a mid-tier gym on Route 59, has confirmed that its January membership surge of 340 new sign-ups has dwindled to eleven active members by March 1, a rate of attrition that owner Doug Kepler, 51, is calling “completely predictable and honestly kind of biblical.”

Kepler, who has owned the gym for fourteen years, said the annual pattern — mass enthusiasm followed by mass abandonment — reminds him of a sermon he once heard about the narrow path. “Many are called to the squat rack,” Kepler said. “Few are chosen. Specifically eleven. Eleven were chosen.”

Front desk manager Alicia Tran, 27, told reporters that the January crowd peaked at 6:15 a.m. on January 6, when every treadmill was occupied and a man she had never seen before attempted to bench press in the yoga studio. By January 19, foot traffic had dropped 40%. By February 3, the parking lot was once again “a place of quiet reflection.”

“I watched a woman buy a full set of matching workout clothes, a heart rate monitor, and a protein shaker on January 2. She came twice. The shaker is still in the lost and found.”

The eleven remaining members have formed what they describe as “a remnant,” meeting each morning at 5:30 a.m. in the free weights section. Member Craig Dunlap, 44, told reporters the group has developed “a bond forged through burpees and mutual commitment” that he compared to “a small group, but with more grunting.”

Kepler said he has no plans to change his business model, noting that the January fees alone cover his first-quarter operating costs.

At press time, a woman had called to ask if her January membership was still active and whether she could “just start fresh in March,” a request Kepler described as “grace in action.”