KNOXVILLE, TN — Brian Jessup, 41, an insurance adjuster and member of Oak Ridge Fellowship Church, reportedly arrived seven minutes late to Sunday’s service and was directed by an usher to the only remaining open seat: the dead center of a fifteen-person pew, where he now sits flanked on both sides by congregants who show no intention of moving for any reason short of the Second Coming.

Jessup, who told reporters he “just needed to use the restroom” approximately forty minutes into the service, has since accepted that he will not be leaving the pew until the final benediction, the subsequent handshake period, and potentially the post-service lobby conversation about next week’s men’s breakfast.

“To my left is Marge and Dorothy, who I’m fairly certain have been in this exact spot since the Reagan administration,” Jessup whispered to a reporter seated behind him. “To my right is a family of six. The toddler is asleep on my knee. I don’t know whose toddler this is.”

“I made the mistake of making eye contact with Marge when I sat down. She patted my hand and said, ‘You’re not going anywhere, sweetheart.’ I believe her.”

Jessup said he briefly considered the “climb-over” maneuver during the offertory but abandoned the plan after calculating that it would require stepping over three purses, a diaper bag, and a man he suspects is asleep.

His wife, seated in the aisle seat she secured by arriving on time, texted him a water bottle emoji and the words “stay strong.”

At press time, Pastor Keith had announced a second service, and Jessup was seen mouthing “no” repeatedly while Marge settled in for what she described as “the good one.”